Saturday, December 30, 2006


January 1, 1960

MarcO is taught by his siblings that it's better not to wipe your butt, but to let the poo naturally blend into your underwear, creating a protective coating. He continues this practice to this day.

January 8, 1976

MarcO gets a cb radio. His handle? Drinkz P.

January 10, 2008

MarcO eats the shit of Bea Arthur

January 17, 1991

MarcO proclaims pee-drinking "dead." He renegs the next day.

January 19, 1976

MarcO gets a Pet Rock. He loses a tooth when he assumes it's a pile of poo and trie to bite into it.

January 28, 1995

MarcO attends a Collective Soul concert.


February 1, 1988

MarcO develops a new method for making wine. The secret ingredient? His own pee.

February 7, 1984

MarcO eats poo with a wooden spoon for the first time.

February 8, 1998

MarcO comes out of his office's bathroom, claiming, "I broke the toilet."

February 18, 1979

MarcO invents a new dance at the local disco: The Puppy Kicker.

February 29, 1980

MarcO coins the phrase "Leap Into A Pile Of Poo Day."


March 19, 1962

MarcO develops very special relationship with neighborhood dog, which would continue well beyond the death of said dog.

March 31, 1995

MarcO launches his first website: www dot marc is the best person in the world dot com. (Currently found at tall glass of pee dot org.)


April 7, 1999

MarcO comes to the realization that he is an unfulfilled human. He does nothing about it.

April 17, 1974

NAMDLA (North American Man-Dog Love Association) presents MarcO with the Human of the Year Award. (His neighbor's dog comes in third in the DOY category.)

April 19, 1993

In the infamous "Feces Feast" trial, MarcO loses, after acting as his own defense attorney.

April 22, 1996

Marco is extremely disappointed when he finds out his pea coat isn't made out of urine.


May 5, 1976

At a Cinco de Mayo celebration, MarcO decides to just wrap it up early, since the only guest turned out to be his neighbor's dog, as no human would want to spend their time with Marc "Adolf" O.

May 15, 2000

MarcO eats feces as per his daily routine. Today's twist? None. Just good old-fashioned crap chowin' by a horrible human being.

May 20, 1983

MarcO continues to be a dick.


June 4, 1977

MarcO discovers the joys of ingesting his own urine.

June 6, 1986

MarcO buys a Delorian.

June 7, 1986

MarcO sells the Delorian, realizing it doesn't make him any cooler. But he makes a dollar on the deal, and, hey, that makes him happy. That night he would engage in relations with the dollar bill in question. It remains on his living room wall today. What a douche.

June 12, 1976

Due to a clerical error--eh, who am I kidding? MarcO eats poo. End of story.


July 4, 1970

Marc O. attempts to make the first firecracker powered by human feces. It doesn't work, but he cleans up the mess with his tongue.

July 4, 1971

Sparked by the previous year's events, Marc O. begins a new Independence Day tradition, pooping all over the floor and then eating it.


August 9, 1987

At a pool party he was only invited to because he overheard other people talking about it, MarcO was the hapless victim of a new pool party game called "MarcO/Douchebag." MarcO! Douchebag!

August 14, 1988

MarcO goes to work in soiled tan pants for the twenty-seventh day in a row. The extreme heat of summer makes the smell quite unbearable for his co-workers, who never liked him anyway.

August 30, 1999

Mail-order pee makes its first appearance at the MarcO household.


September 1, 1966

MarcO falls out window, becomes much dumber than before upon hitting his head.

September 28, 1988

MarcO does his first cartwheel. Then he drinks neighbor's pee to celebrate.


October 1, 1971

MarcO comes up with a new idea: "Midnight Scat Snack."

October 21, 2004

Red Sox complete greatest comeback in baseball history against MarcO's New York Yankees. He chooses to grieve by assuming that the Red Sox will just never win ever again. It's called denial, you douchebag.

October 31, 1966

MarcO makes the decision to be one of those people who gives out oranges to kids on Halloween.


November 29, 1992

MarcO, in response to no one showing up for his Thanksgiving Feces Feast, tries to sue his family for disowning him. Terrible job, MarcO. Money can't buy happiness.


December 11, 1972

MarcO decides money is the most important thing.

December 14, 2005

MarcO steps into his time machine, ready to go back in time and alter the 2004 MLB playoffs. Surprisingly, it would've worked, but MarcO had to bring that extra jug of his neighbor's urine along, and it broke, spilling all over his flux capacitor, ruining the machine. He remains unable to fix it. That piece of crap.

December 31, (every year)

MarcO puts on "MarcO's Rockin' Own-Pee New Year's Eve" bash, and no one shows up except his neighbor's dog.